Thursday, January 31, 2008

Love Is In the Air.....

February 10th....I can't wait.

February 10th will be a magical day for me. I am going to be Baptized at my church. I was Baptized as a baby, and that was my parents promising God to raise me with the Lord in my life and teach me how to live life through Him and with Him. I am glad that I was Baptized as a baby, and I wouldn't change that. My babies have been Baptized as well. Now, it's time for me to "Man Up" and make the same promises, as my own promises, not someone else making them for me. You feel me? You see where I'm coming from? A dedication to the Lord, a cleansing, a show of faith made by me directly. This is not a "pour some holy water on my head" kind of ceremony. I'll be completely submurged into water, and brought back up. Cleansed. Made New. Refreshed. With bad hair and runny make-up. GREATNESS. Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. And I'm doing it! And I'm thrilled! My friends and family will be there to cheer me on. This is going to be a very special moment in my life. I can't wait. The ceremony is followed by a Celebration Feast, AND an Elevation Band CONCERT. Re-dedicating my life to the Lord, AND a CONCERT all in one day? I mean, does it get any better than that?

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

If It Ain't Broke, Don't Fix It

Let me start off by saying I'm cranky. I could do a post on why, but who really cares? I'll be fine when I wake up tomorrow.

The grocery store and the drug store by my house have decided to "rearrange". Why? The stores were just fine the way they were. The grocery store bothers me the most. I knew where EVERYTHING was. Even Amber did too. Now, I feel like a lost puppy when I go in there. It causes frustration for me. It actually makes me disgruntled. Time is of the essence for me. I always have more things to do than I have time for. So now going into a store that I've gone in for the past nine years and feeling like I've never been there before seems ridiculous. it makes me not even want to go there anymore. But then again, I go somewhere else, and I'm still the lost puppy I was in my regular store. It's a lose lose situation. It all boils down to "change". No one likes change. Even if it's good change. It's foreign, and uncomfortable. It causes you to become rattled, and disoriented. SO, you have to just accept change, and adapt. Easy to say when I'm in the store with 2 kids and my son is talking like he's never going to talk again to the point that I can't even think straight and I forgot what I went to the store for that I can't even find because they switched the whole stinkin' store around on me. Okay. I'm done. Does this bother anyone else? Maybe if it bothers enough of us, we can complain, and they will switch the store back to the way it was. Unbroken. With no need for fixin'.

Monday, January 28, 2008

I am Officially Mortified....

A few weeks back, my daughter had to write a short story in class (she is in 4th grade) about putting on a hat, and transforming into someone else. Her story was excellent. As a matter of fact, I am going to have her re-write it to fit on one page, and frame it for her father. The hat she chose was a New York Jets Football Helmet, and she became an NFL football player. Her story told in great detail of how she played with Chad Pennington, and how she was "terrified" as she was running with the ball, in hopes not to get tackled. I was very proud of her story. It had an intro, the meat, which was very vivid, and a great ending. I love it. Fine. Good. Great. Here comes the mortifying part of this post......Last week, she had to write a story about how someone jumped out of a book that she was reading. SO, although I haven't seen the story yet, she got in the car filled with excitement the day she wrote it. She told me how in her story she was reading a biography, and a singer that she was reading about jumped out of the book. They sang and danced to all of her songs and had the best time ever. She named a few of her songs in her story, and spoke of how they sang the night away. This is what she tells me. Again, I haven't seen the story yet. So what's wrong with that? The musician you ask? Britney FREAKIN' Spears. WHY? why? why? I own none of her music, I don't speak about her, I don't update my 9 year old on Britney's current dreadful events, so why in the world would she pick her? I will say, despite her undesirable personal life, if you love to dance as I do, Britney does have some great dance tracks. But never in a million years would I have thought that Amber would write a story about her. That's so embarrassing as a mother. I am officially now THAT mother. The one I never wanted to be. When I told Amber that Britney isn't making very good choices and she's not a good role model, she replied with..."Mom, all I wrote about was her music, not her personal life." As I said, Amber doesn't know about that stuff. Once in a blue she'll ask me about what's all over the magazines in the stores. They should put those things behind the counter with the Playboy magazines where little eyes can't read them. So yeah....I am THAT mother. What is her teacher thinking of me right now? I am 10+ years her senior no less. Good Times, Good Times....I'm sure it's only the beginning.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Name That Tune....70's Style

This never gets old. Probably my favorite-and it takes no research. They just roll out of my head. Here we go...again, I was born in the wrong era.

1. I'd like to hear some Funky Dixie land, pretty Mama come and take me by the the hand, take me by the hand pretty Mama come and dance with your Daddy All Night long.

2. There's something happening here, what it is ain't exactly clear...there's a man with a gun over there..telling me, I've got to beware.

3. ....Wears a braided chain, made of finest silver from the North of Spain, a locket, that bares the name of a man that ____ Loved.

4. There's a road, and a distant love, where the eagle flies with the dove, and if you cant be, with the one you love, honey, ........

5. Will you meet me in the middle, will you meet me in the air. Will you love me just a little, just enough to show you care. Well I tried to fake it, I don't mind saying, I just can't make it.

6. He came from college just the other day, so much like a man I just had to say, son I'm proud of you will you sit for a while-he just shook his head, and then said with a smile, "What I'd really like Dad is to borrow the car keys-see ya later can I have them please."

7. The mountain is high, the valley is low, and your confused, on which way to go. So I've come here, to give you a hand, and lead you into, the promise land.

8. ...I bought you a crate of papaya, then waiting all night by your door. You probably wouldn't remember, I probably couldn't forget........

9. I like your picture-I keep it with your letter. Done up in blue sure looks good on you. And when you smile for the camera...I know I love ya better...

10. Well I want to make love to you tonight, I can't wait till the morning has come. and I know that the time is just right-and straight into my arms you will run. Well you know my heart will be waiting, to make sure that your never alone. Then and there all my dreams will come true dear, there and then I will make you my own.

That took all of less than three minutes. Sometimes I impress myself.


I can't. I simply can NOT. If I ruled the world, once you were too old to jump curbs, and stand on pegs, you would have to retire your bicycle. The only bicycles that would be available for adults would be stationary bikes at the gym. I can not fathom how people ride their bicycles in the street. Right on the road! I understand that if your riding with speed, riding on the sidewalk can be tedious, but what I don't understand is how people ride with their back to the traffic. Yeah, yeah, going with the flow would make for less of an impact if you got creamed by a car, I get all of that, but I have to say, if I road a bicycle on the street and had to ride with the flow of traffic, I would have an anxiety attack and fall out before I made it a quarter mile down the road. I pray that my children have no desire to be cyclist. I would lose years off my life every time they left the house. When I am driving next to a cyclist, I am a nervous wreck. I can't wait to pass them. I can't imagine how they feel and what's going through their mind. "Well, I'm going out for a bike ride. Hopefully no one will smash into me with their car and send me flying 50 feet to my possible death. I hope that lady putting on her mascara, or that man with road rage is paying enough attention to notice me and the fact that they are 2 inches away from me. I am going to go put my life on the line-to go for a bike ride." No offense to the passionate cyclists, but this is very peculiar to me. Not to mention the severe fashion No-No's, especially for men, when it comes to cycling. Let's not even go there. ;0)

Monday, January 21, 2008

Teach Your Children Well

My son has officially hit the "Terrible Two's". At almost literally 2 too. I didn't see it coming, because my daughter didn't have them. At least not like this. They may have been there in a different form, but nothing is profound in my memories, so it couldn't have been all that bad. The nickname his father gave him suits him well. "Bam-Bam". He's a short and stocky(although he has dropped a few pounds!)bulldozer. He's forever banging something, ramming his remote control car into the walls, relentlessly repeating himself until he KNOWS your paying attention, "I want gum". "No Alex". "I want gum". "No Alex". "Mom..I want gum". "No Alex". "Mommy, " get it.
Point of the story is, we are at the mall, sitting on the bench outside of Claire's watching Amber shop in the very "non-2-year-old-boy-friendly" store, and there is a John Deere ride on lawn mower right next to the bench. And as I type that I realize that this whole story is self inflicted for sitting next to the thing in the first place. SO, you could imagine the repetition of "I want to drive I want to drive I want to drive Mommy I want to drive want to drive.....". I tell him he can't drive, there's a sign right on the mower that so NO sitting on the mower. I showed him the sign...we haggled some more...and right at the very moment that I thought I won the battle, another little boy comes up with both of his parents, they disregard the note, actually read it and chuckled, and let him climb up and DRIVE. Please know that my son is obsessed with driving, and so are his father and grandfather. As soon as his feet can hit the pedals, he will be racing. So you could imagine the look on his face when this other little boy got to drive. It started all over again...we laughed...we cried.....we went. And I wanted to beat up those parents that let their boy disregard instruction, and DRIVE. Teach Your Children Well.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

The Simplest Way to Silence a Woman is with a Kiss

Yes. Those words left my boyfriends mouth and hit my ears. Was I offended? No. Not at all. Women have their tricks and trades just as much as men do, they just don't voice them. But I will say, we all let the "cat out of the bag" from time to time. Before any uptight women label him as a...whatever you may label that statement with, let me start by saying he is as sweet as he can be. He's an E.R. Nurse, he moved 2 hours away from his life, family and friends to care for his ill grandmother, faithfully, until the day she passed away. When I came home from N.Y., I was welcomed with 4...yes 4 different SELF MADE floral arrangements, one for each day that I was gone. He has a son that he praises to the high heavens, and means the world to him. When I get ready for a date, and he sees me for the first time, he says things that make me laugh like..."God Almighty!" But I would say the most appealing thing about him (besides being a D.J., because I do love me a music man) is that he is as crazy as I am. A child trapped in an adult body. So anyway, we had just eaten something, and we were watching some television. He is the typical man that when they are watching television, or playing XBOX, the house could burn down around them, and they wouldn't even notice until they physically caught on fire. So, I said something to him. I got nothin'. I said it again, and thought I was just about to get nothing once again, when he shifted his eyes to me, gave me his full undivided attention, and gave me a kiss. I have to admit. It worked. Then when he said "The simplest way to silence a woman is with a kiss", my eyes got wide and I repeated back to him what he had said. "That was terrible! It's just a theory! I can't believe I said that!" he I asked him for more info. I am intrigued by what goes on in the mind of a man, and why sometimes their brains can't catch their words before they come out of their mouth. He said there's nothing else really to tell. At this point, he was probably afraid to say more. The kicker to the whole story is that he could have kissed me, and went about his television show and I would have been perfectly satisfied. For the statement I made to him when he was blatantly ignoring me was......" Gimmie a Kiss! "

Friday, January 11, 2008

Music Trivia of the 90's

Okay, definitely not my favorite era of music, but I can't get stuck on Classic Rock forever. I have to give props to all musicians, as they all play a part in the history of Music.

1. Which Michael Jackson song entered straight at #1 position on Billboard 100 Singles chart?

2.Which 2 members of N SYNC were mouseketters on the NEW Mickey Mouse club?

3. Which rap group was totally crossed out?

4. Who wanted you to "Hold my Hand"?

5. Which 2 New Kids on the Block were brothers?

6. What big 90's female movie star starred in Bon Jovi's "Always" video?

7. Which member of what rap band burned her football player boyfriend's house down?

8. What singer hit #1 with a midget in his band, who passed away towards the end of 2000?

9. Who was the only female solo artist to have a #1 hit single without releasing an album?

10. What famous star appeared in Paula Abdul's "Rush, Rush" video?

1. You are Not Alone(1995)
2. Justin Timberlake and JC Chasez
3. Kris Kross
4. Hootie and the Blowfish
5. Jordan and Johnathan Knight
6. Kerri Russel-aka "Felicity"
7. Lisa "Lefteye" Lopez of TLC
8. Kid Rock, and Joe C was the man who died
9. Lisa Loeb
10. Keanu Reeves

Thursday, January 10, 2008

"Back to my Roots"

I am headed home for 4 days this weekend. I'm so excited to freeze my buttocks off in New York. Good old Long Island. You gotta love it. 20 minutes from the beach, 40 minutes from the city that never sleeps, and about 45 minutes from the Hamptons. When I lived there, I took it for granted. What I wouldn't do to look out the window on a Saturday morning, see the sun shining and say.."Kids! Throw on your bathing suits! Were going to the beach!" and be home in time to grill a good dinner as we sit our sandy, sun-kissed selves in the yard and hose off everything we brought with us. I wanted to make the most of my time there-so my flight is at 6am. Yes. That's what I said. 6am. What the hell was I thinking? You know what I was thinking? I was thinking my kids would be in semi-comas and they wouldn't be 2 jumping beans on the plane. I have to lock my son in the seat belt with me just to get him to sit still. This is not allowed, so I have to hide it under a blanket. If I forget the blanket-I'm screwed. I have mastered traveling alone with my kids, so I'm not too worried. I haven't packed a blessed thing. Nothing. So our usual hot dinner is getting substituted with a cold cut(not "lunch meat") sandwich so I can get us travel-ready. I think the phrase "lunch meat" is one of the grosses phrases in the English language. I'm going to get my fill of aggressive drivers, rude people, self baggage at the grocery store, $5.00 a gallon gas, full service gas, a sandwich from the DELI(if anyone knows where a real deli is, please tell me), a buttered roll from 7-11, an egg sandwich at the bagel store, the cold wind hurting my ears, the "F" bomb being dropped like it's going out of style, phrases like.."YO!", "Ova Hea", "Ova Dea", "Tree Times"(three times), "How ya doin', how's ya mutha?" I'm going to see all of my girlfriends and their children. I can't wait. These are my roots. I love my roots, and making sure my children get there as often as possible so they too know their roots. When I refer to my children as New Yorkers, my sister reminds me that their not. When my daughter throws out southern slang, I correct her with some good Northern talk. I love where I live, but I will always favor where I'm from. It's kind of like being a New York Jets fan. Although they haven't seen the Superbowl since Superbowl III, and only made it to one championship game since, you gotta stay loyal. I'm loyal to my roots. And speaking of roots, I have an appointment with my hairdresser of over 20 years who clears his schedule when I come so he can do my hair for me. My roots are good to me, except for the gray ones on my head.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Bits & Pieces...

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint on it you can.

Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool, or you go out into the ocean.

It's never to late to be who you might have been.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Character is doing what's right when nobody is looking.

A Child's life is like a piece of paper on which every person leaves a mark.

The game of life is the game of boomerangs. Our thoughts, deeds and words return to us sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.

Flexible people never get bent out of shape!

You take people as far as they will go, not as far as you would like them to go.

Help others get ahead. You will always stand taller with someone else on your shoulders.

Success isn't permanent, and failure isn't fatal.

We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.

Only you can be yourself. No one else is qualified for the job.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Being a Woman Sucks Sometimes......

Think about it...a man gets up, takes a shower, shaves, throws his clothes on, and he's out the door. DONE. A man with good hair might have to give 3 extra minutes throwing some gel in there, and creating his faux-hawk. My son ROCKS the faux-hawk by the way. He knows he looks good too. My little overweight lova. Anyway..with a man, what you see is what you get. Now as a woman-it's a whole other story. A man can go on an overnight with a nap sack. A woman couldn't possibly fit her clothes, make-up bag, blow-dryer, straightening iron, hair products, feminine products, shoes, and everything else in a duffel bag. When we get goes something like this. How am I feeling today? Because that will depend on what we pull out of our closet. Do I feel sexy? Fat? Tired? Cute? Where are we going? To "heel" or not to heel? Fitted or loose? Then there's...these panties don't work with these pants and this bra isn't quite right with this shirt and do I really want to be burdened with a strapless bra all day? Let me make sure my socks match just in case my destination is a place where there is a "leave your shoes at the door" policy. If I wear this shirt with these pants, I may expose my muffin top to the world when I sit down. Or your outfit is picked out and ready to go, and then you look down and realize that your pedicure is offensive. Now don't get me wrong, this doesn't take hours, this all happens in split seconds. We are so used to this, it's second nature. Then there's hair. My hair is extremely long, and thick, and a bizarre curly/wavy. If I had curly hair, I would embrace it, but it's kind of an ugly in between. Therefore, my blow dryer, hair products and I are the best of friends. I dread it too. It's one of my least favorite things to do. Very time consuming. Then there's make-up, tweezing of the eyebrows (TORTURE, I go for the RIP wax..the pluck-pluck is too much for me to bare) Making sure your legs and pits are hair free, making sure you don't have any broken finger nails (every girl should throw am "emery board" in their purse. To quote my Nanny Connie.) I don't know about you, but I feel naked without earrings, so if I forget them-I'm mad. The list goes on and on.....I would just love to get up, and get out the door in 15 minutes, rocking a t-shirt and jeans and sticking my wallet in my back pocket, and looking my best. I'm hairy-who cares! I have a bit of a belly-great! my hair is a mess-where's my hat? Gentlemen....make sure you tell your wife how beautiful she is on a regular basis. We really do work hard at it.

Friday, January 4, 2008

No, their names are not naturally that "COOL"

Alice Cooper-Vincent Damon Furnier/ Alicia Keys-Alicia Augello Cook
Babyface-Kenneth Edmonds/ Beck-Bek David Campbell
Billie Holiday-Eleanora Fagan Gough /Billy Idol-William Michael Albert Broad
Billy Ocean-Leslie Charles/ Bob Dylan-Robert Zimmerman
Bono-Paul Hewson/ Cat Stevens-Stephen Demetre
Cher-Cherilyn Sarkisian/ Coolio-Artis Ivey Jr.
David Bowie-David Robert Jones/ Donna Summer-LaDonna Andrea Gaines
Elton John-Reginald Kenneth Dwight/ Eminem-Marshall Mathers lll
Eric Clapton-Eric Clapp /Freddie Mercury-Faroukh Bulsara
Gene Simmons-Chaim Witz/ Ice Cube-O'Shea Jackson
Ice T-Tracy Morrow/ Iggy Pop-James Newell Osterberg Jr.
Judy Garland-Frances Gumm /LL Cool J-James Todd Smith
Mariah Carey-Maria Nuez/ Marilyn Manson-Brian Warner
Moby-Richard Melville Hall/ Nelly-Cornell Haynes Jr.
Ozzy Osbourne-John Osbourne/ Paul Stanley-Stanley Harvey Eisen
Pink-Alecia Moore /Queen Latifa-Dana Owens
Seal-Sealhenry Samuel/ Shania Twain-Eileen Regina Edwards
Sid Vicious-John Ritche/ Slash-Saul Hudson
Snoop Dogg-Calvin Broadus/ Stevie Wonder-Steveland Morris
Sting-Gordon Summer/ The Notorious B.I.G.-Christopher Wallace
Tina Turner-Anna Mae Bullock/ Vanilla Ice-Robert Van Winkle
Ziggy Marley-David Nesta Marley/ 2Pac-Lesane Crooks
50 Cent-Curtis Jackson

P.S.-Say a prayer for Britney and her babies.....another melt down.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The Downfalls of Being Little

I'm little. When I say I'm 5'1", I'm being very generous. Combine that with being young at heart, and my respect level among the next generation of my family goes flying out the window. I get tackled, wrestled to the ground, jumped on and picked on by the children that are supposed to see me as an authority figure. I have 7 nieces and nephews ranging from 12 to 1. Other than maybe the babies, those children truthfully believe that I am one of the kids. The big boys graduated to the adult table this year at Christmas. They were so excited to get away from the smaller kids, listen to adult conversation, and stop eating off of a plastic plate for the holiday. When the oldest was acting up, and my sister who they wouldn't even dream of stepping out of line in front of said "Devin your the oldest kid at the table and your the only one acting up" my other nephew shouts out as if he were on a game show with the winning answer..."No Re-Re..Colly's the oldest kid at the table!". That same evening a button literally got ripped off my shirt when I was on the very bottom of the pile of 8 children. I thought I was going to puke. I'm famous for my touchdown dances....and then there was last year when the Christmas tree stand dude tied the doors to my car shut and the 2 oldest boys had to pull me through the window of the car in the parking lot of my apartments-that was good times right there. Hence....the fact that I am a 34 year old adult seems to go un-noticed. Yesterday the respect factor hit an all time low when I heard a pounding on my door, and when I opened it, I saw the full moon of my oldest nephew. Yes, he mooned me. I give up. It would be a cold day in hell before he would EVER do that to my oldest sister. He knows he wouldn't live to tell the story anyway. I've been told by my 5 year old nephew that I'm cheap, and he's sick of me because he keeps asking me to take him on a date. The first thing the girls do when they come over is fight over who's getting which shoes when I'm done with them. The 2 oldest boys have surpassed me in height, and weight. I have been thrown over their shoulder, thrown in the pool, pegged with footballs, baseballs....I had to seek some type of revenge. The other day when the eldest was playing outside with his friends, I found a baby picture of the worlds fattest baby, which is him, and brought it out there to show everyone. He was humiliated, and I loved every minute of it! I think the only way to salvage my dignity would be to mature and act my age.....I can't bring myself to do it. I'm having much to much fun...