Too Much of a Good Thing Isn't always so Good

Okay. How do I go about this post without sounding like a mad woman. I'm just going to tell it like it is. I am beyond the norm of protecting my children. My children are 10 and 2, and they have never once been left with a "babysitter". Not one time. If I leave my kids-they are left with someone that has the same blood as they do running through their veins. Alex does go to school, but it is an institution that is held accountable for it's actions, and never on a one on one basis, it's a classroom setting. When it was time for Amber to go to preschool-I got a job at the preschool. When it is a day for a field trip, guess who is on the bus, or who is driving in the car next to the bus with my child in the car? Would you send your daughter to the Bronx Zoo in someone else's care? My kids have never taken the school bus. I put Amber on the bus once, and she didn't get home until 5pm. NEVER AGAIN. When I joined my church, I also got a volunteer position...in guess who's room? When Amber wants to go home with her friend after school for a play date, and her friend is a walker-I pick her up first, and bring her there. I'm not ready for her to walk the streets without an adult. I would LOVE to raise my kids and have them think that the world is full of Love, Peace and Hair Grease, but as Dr. Phil would say....LET'S GET REAL. I quiz my daughter on a regular basis. I drill her every time she walks out of the house so much, that when she is walking out the door and I call her name-she says...."I know Mom, I know...be aware of my surroundings, listen for strange sounds, look for suspicious people, stay with a buddy at all times...you tell me the same thing every time Mom." She knows all about how people try to lure kids into their cars with candy, or a puppy, or saying that I sent them to pick her up. Then there's the "private parts" talk. "These are your private parts-nobody touches your private parts. It could be anyone...teacher, doctor, relatives, friends, whoever.....if something makes you uncomfortable-then it's WRONG." I've told her about predators on the computer because she is starting (against my better judgement) to go on the computer to play webkins-but she is still being exposed to the computer. I tell them "If anyone ever tries to take you-kick, scream, yell, bite, hoot and holla because if they get you away from where you are to another destination, chances are you will not be coming home." I've gone as far as to tell Amber to kick a man in the jewels if need be. Sounds very rough as I write it, but I do this for 2 reasons:

1. I need to know that if God Forbid anything ever happens to one of my children, that I did my very best at making them aware, and teaching them how to protect themselves.

2. If anyone ever harms a hair on either one of my children's heads, I will be in prison until my dying day. And that's no joke.

Here comes the catch 22-Amber is now afraid of her own shadow. She hears voices when there are none. She gets out of bed at least twice before she falls asleep to make sure the doors are locked. She hates to sleep alone. If she thought her closet door was open, and now it's shut, she is ready to call CSI. She doesn't like to go upstairs in my sisters house in broad daylight without a chaperon. Her house is very grand-way to grand for Amber. At her Dads, she had the whole upstairs to herself. Picture this-A bedroom, living room, kitchenette, and a bathroom. He got her a desk, a couch, the whole nine yards-imagine that at 9? Guess what-she HATED it. She has squeezed him to move her back downstairs so she can be close to him and Alex at night. There are small doors that lead into the attic up there that freak her out. Do you see what I have done to my daughter? It sounds so much worse as I am typing it than it does when I am doing it. These are my kids. They are my life. I feel it is my job to protect them-but not at their expense of being able to live life without constantly looking over their shoulders. I over did it. One of my failures as a parent. Too much of a Good Thing isn't always so Good.