Warning: I am wearing my heart on my sleeve this week, be prepared.
I am having an emotionally rough week. No one blogs about the bad stuff, only the good stuff. I am hoping I can teach some type of lesson here today.
Wednesday night, my children are leaving with their father to spend Halloween in DisneyWorld.
The 2 hard hits:
This will be the first Halloween in a decade that I will not help Amber with her costume, and watch her in excitement run from house to house, collecting the candy that she will never eat, but the thrill of it all is priceless.
My baby boy is going to Disney for the very first time-without his Mommy. OUCH.
I battle with the failure of a broken family every single day of my life. Quite frankly, I'm ashamed of it. I am ashamed that my son never saw his father and I together as a couple. He knows nothing more than Mommy's house, and Daddy's house. My kids are awesome, and they deserve so much better. My children hop from house to house...wishing they didn't forget this there, or that here, and as I said, they deserve so much better. I KNOW there are scenario's like mine where the separation is non-negotiable, and in every one's best interest, but it's times like these where I have to just let it burn.
Make sure you are in a secure, permanent union with your partner before you bring children in to the world.
If you ever feel like you want to give up on your relationship-DON'T. Exhaust all options. Know that you did 100% what you could have done to hold your family together. Don't make any selfish decisions that could cause you and other pain for years to come.
I have faith that our lives are all planned out for us and that all of this has happened for a reason. I am even at peace as to why it happened to me, but I am trying to find peace in why it has happened to my beautiful children. Why they have to pay the price. I know some people are thinking..."They're fine! Kids are resilient!". I would love to be able to shrug it off like that, but they're not just any kids, they are my kids.