Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Gotta Live With It

New Year's Eve, 1992. I was 18. At this point in life, I still lived at home, and had to follow the house rules. My friend John was having a New Year's party, his parents were out of town. I wanted to go. Everyone was sleeping there. It would be a cold day in hell before one of my father's daughter's slept at a boys house for any reason what-so-ever. I remember my sister called once during a bad snow storm, asking if she could spend the night at her boyfriend's house, and she would sleep on the couch, and he could talk to his parents. Within moments, he was in the car, going to pick his daughter up in the storm. Anyway, I asked, and he said no, of course. At this point he was bed ridden, and at home. He also asked me to stay home, because this was going to be his last New Year. In a playful way. Every holiday was his last, that was how he tried to keep us home safe. He was saying this for years and years. Maybe this year, he really meant it. As an 18 year old snotty bratty teenager, I took advantage of the situation because I knew my father was weak, and he couldn't do anything about it. I left him that night. I went to the party. I also twisted the knife, and I slept there. You know what? That WAS his last New Year. He died April 8th, 1992. When I came home the next day and went in to see him, far worse than getting yelled at, or punished, he completely ignored me. Wouldn't even look my way. And he did so for about a week. That was the worst punishment I could have ever gotten from him. I was definitely one of those children that couldn't bare disappointing my father. My mother? I could live with that. But not my Daddy. The party? It sucked. Do I remember it even? Not really. Was it worth it? Heck no. Now I have to live with it for the rest of my life. Every year around this time I can hear him saying "Stay home with me, this is my last New Year's." I hope there is a lesson learned here in this post. Always put your loved ones first. Nothing else is more important. Don't do things where they are concerned that you may regret for the rest of your life. Even if it seems like a burden sometimes, just do it. I know first hand how it feels to live with regret. It's horrible. He eventually forgave me, and we were fine. I was there when he took his last breath. But I'll never forget how I treated him this day. I will never make the same mistake again.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Tid Bits

1. Alex didn't cry this morning when I dropped him off at school!

2. Amber hopped in the car with Papa when he left here on Saturday, and headed to New York!

3. Alex (Dad) met her there, and took the girls to their first New York Jet game yesterday (I know, we're out), then headed into N.Y.C. and went to R.F. Center to see the decorations and the tree, and then headed to Carmine's for dinner. Lucky girls!

4. Alex says his favorite Christmas gift is his new Spider Man bike! I'm so happy I scored the best gift award, because it's tough to compete with Daddy and Papa!

5. Amber had an awesome Christmas, and scored everything she wanted, PLUS a flat screen T.V. for her room at Dad's, and a trip to N.Y.!

6. You could imagine my surprise when I went to my appointment to try on wedding gowns, and 'Sam' turned out to be a man! How about a black man in a tiara helping you into your wedding dress?? I just rolled with it. My slip was a dress in itself, so it was all good. It's ordered, and will be here February 6th!

7. I'm ordering my invitations today. They are not traditional-but neither am I.

8. Robert is playing out for New Year's Eve, and I am going to join him. I love to watch him play.

9. I have my small group Christmas party tomorrow night, and a friend is having a gathering at her house on Thursday night. Robert jumped right in to watch the kids so I can have some 'adult girl time'. Love that man!

10. I got gift cards from my kids for Christmas, went to spend them yesterday, and came home empty handed. How sad is that? Not lovin' the look right now.

11. Robert got me a phat shirt in GUESS for Christmas-LOVE IT! Saving it up for Church on Sunday.

12. I never sent out Christmas cards, so don't feel like I missed ya', I just missed the cut off! Maybe I will do New Year's cards. Maybe not. We shall see.....

Saturday, December 27, 2008


A New Year's Resolution is a commitment that an individual makes to a project or the reforming of a habit, often a lifestyle change that is generally interpreted as advantageous. The name comes from the fact that these commitments normally go into effect on New Year's Day and remain until fulfilled or abandoned. More socio-centric examples include resolutions to donate to the poor more often, to become more assertive, or to become more economically or environmentally responsible. People may act similarly during the Christian fasting period of Lent, though the motive behind this holiday is more of sacrifice than of responsibility. The new year resolution is one example of the rolling forecast-method of planning. According to this method, plans are established at regular short or medium-term time intervals, when only a rough long-term plan exists.

That's the technical definition. The key phrase I see up there is 'fulfilled or abandoned'.
What's it gonna be this year? fulfilled, or abandoned? That's the question of all questions my friends. I don't make New Year's resolutions. I make New Year's 'hopes'.

Here are some of my 'hopes'.....................

I hope to continue to monitor and make a concious effort to control my temper.

I hope I take the time to define my children as individuals, and not just as a family.

I hope I give them each their own deserved undivided attention.

I hope to accept that I can work less, and still survive just fine.

I hope my wedding is smooth and stress free.

I hope my spiritual growth makes leaps and bounds.

I hope I grown a burning desire to do laundry.

I hope we are continually blessed with good health.

I hope God continues to shower my church with His favor and blessing.

I hope my little man will stop feeling so sad when I drop him off at school.

I hope for continuous innocence for my daughter as she enters her 'tween' years. I will fight tooth and nail for this.

I hope I adjust well to no longer being the 'everything' of the household. (Man, woman, cook, chauffeur, dry cleaner....etc.)

I will start hoping for a baby in the spring.

Those are my hopes for 2009. No money hopes, no new big house hopes, no tangible hopes with big red bows on them. Not even the ever so popular "I want to lose 15 pounds" hopes. Just the hopes of my heart.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

She Knows

She knows.

There's nothing I can do.

Too many questions.

Too many clues.

A forgotten receipt, left behind in a bag.

A gift from the big man, with a similar tag.

The questions of entry, and reindeer's that fly.

The questions of visiting the world through the sky.

The pressure was on.

The questions kept coming.

I started to sweat.

My brain was numbing.

What do I say?

What do I do.

When hit with the question,

Is Santa Claus You?


Thursday, December 18, 2008

The Cake

I am not going to turn this into a 'wedding planning' blog. That is much too self-centered and why ruin all of the details when lots of you who read this blog will hopefully be coming to the wedding? I will share a few tidbits that are particularly funny. Like the cake.

Keep in mind that I have never come face to face with a red velvet cake before reading on. Also keep in mind that I don't think Robert is a redneck, and he doesn't think my family is in the mob. It's just kind of an on going joke between us with the whole Northern/Southern thing. It's all fun and games.

We went to visit Haines Bakement at her house. She is a Pastry Chef that makes all of her cakes at home in her 'bakement'. She actually told us they revolved the purchase of their home around her future 'bakement'. I found her in "The knot" a Charlotte wedding magazine. The cake I saw was amazing, and as I read along, I realized that the bride actually made her own cake, so I got in touch with her. Me, Amber and Robert went to taste cakes and fillings...and then the comedy show started to roll.......

We start tasting the cakes.

Let me say that I tasted the red velvet cake, and it was delicious. However......

Robert: I want the red velvet cake.

Me: Your a redneck, and we are not having a red velvet cake.

Robert: Oh yeah, I forgot your a mafia princess, and you want cannoli filling and fried ice cream.

Me: All I see is Shirley McClane cutting into a blood red armadillo cake somewhere in the deep depths of the south.

Robert: That's right, you whack people that eat red velvet cake, and throw them in the river.


Our anniversary tier that we will eat on our first anniversary is red velvet, with cream cheese icing between the layers. In the privacy of our own home. hehehehehe......

All of this went on in front of Haines. She was laughing and laughing at us. It was particularly funny to her because her mother is from New York, and her father is from Charlotte. How 'bout that?

As for the other layers......think ganache......think chocolate.......maybe strawberry......mmmm...mmmmm. Make sure you show up for a taste.....

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Don't Touch

Let me start by saying that I do adore my kids. I'm just keepin' it real.

My children's love language is touch. Both of them. Amber more than Alex, but still, both of them. So is mine, so I can't complain. However....tell me if your feeling this....sometimes by the end of the day, I just don't want to be touched anymore. I'm tired of my hair being twisted, I'm tired of being jumped on when I'm trying to relax, I'm tired of my glasses accidentally being smashed into my face ( if you wear glasses, you know how much that hurts), I'm tired of almost spilling my drink on myself. I suppose I have to take some blame because I do "ruff house" my kids a lot, and it's something that they are used to. I also suppose it's not fair for me to decide when it is a good time and when is not to play/touch/wrestle, but I'm the Mommy so I get to make these decisions. Where I am going with this is my FACE. I would rather their not so clean little hands all over my face. Is that really bad? My son uses the bathroom freely, sometimes not to my knowledge. Who knows if he gets on that stool every single time to wash his hands? I watch my daughter play with her bare naked feet. Not feeling warm and fuzzy about her caressing my face after that. Not longing for them to touch my face after they just ate some Cheetos and licked every single finger until all of the flavor was gone. My son plays with the dog, and Lord knows what he's inadvertently touching there. When I was tucking him in tonight and saying his prayers, he was pawing my face like a mad man. Even though we wash up before bed, I was done. I was like..."Stop touching my face!" and I grabbed his hands. He whispered..."I'm sorry Mommy...." and in an instant, I felt like crap. Isn't it funny how your kids can make you feel like that so fast? I just can't take the touching of the face. Hug me, Kiss me, love me up, just please don't touch my face. Weird?

Thursday, December 11, 2008

An Old Man in the Making

My son cracks me up. Here are some on the things that come out of his freshly 3 year old mouth.

1. Mom, I have diarrhea.

2. Mom, how is my eczema?

3. Mom, I'm grumpy because I'm tired.

4. Mom, is this a snack? (if I serve my son anything less than a hot cooked meal with 3 or more food groups in it, this is what he says to me)

5. Mom, get in my 'car' (Lighting McQueen ride along) , we're going to Brooklyn Pizza.

6. What do you want to eat for dinner Alex? Reply: "Nakato's". My reply? "Get a job".

7. When he woke up on his birthday: "Mom, do I look three?"

8. Me: "Alexander John!" Alex: "That's mot my name! I'm Alexander John Delemo DA TURD!!!" My reply: "You are a turd Alex."

God definitely has a sense of humor. In a true test of my new vow to hold my temper, my daughter climbed in my bed yesterday morning for some bizarre reason with a bowl of cereal. Before she got her second knee on the bed, half of the bowl of cereal was kissing my sheets and pillows. As my body temperature rose, I immediately felt this was a TEST. I asked Amber to please go sit at the table with her breakfast, and finished my sentence with "Why are You testing me so early in the morning?......"

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

We're Getting Married!!!-REVISED

Robert started reading my other post, and he stopped. He said I'm such a better writer than that, and not only did he ask me to revise the post, he asked me to revise it today. 'Yes Sir'! And it goes a little sumthin' like this......

About a year ago, I met this man. He's a nurse-hence-he's a giver. At that time, he was nursing his ill grandmother, the light of his life. Maybell Bellamy Deaton. She had been sick for a few years, but took a turn for the worse, so he moved in with her to care for her. I had spoke to him many times, but we never went out together because his grandmother was his first priority, and the only woman that was allowed to call him 'Bobby'. Maybell Bellamy passed away December 12th, 2007. I told him to take care of himself and his family, and get in touch with me when he was feeling better. No one knows better than me what it feels like to watch the light of your life slip away. December 20th, I spoke to this man again. He asked me if I would like to go to a Panthers game with him. I made 3 phone calls for advice, did a lot of soul searching and a background check (yes, he knows this) and I took my own car to meet him at Monticello's, where we would share our first meal together. That night he told me I was even more beautiful than he had thought. We ate, we walked the city streets, and we went to the game. He bought me a jersey that day. He was afraid to get loud at the game, because he didn't want to scare me (giggle giggle). He walked me to my car after the game, and said good night to me, and that was it. He didn't try to kiss me, or even hug me for that matter. I actually hugged him. That was the end of our first date. If you ask him today what he thought after that first date, he will say "I wasn't sure if you liked me. I thought you were way out of my league" (giggle giggle again). There was something very 'comfortable' about him. I felt at ease. Considering that this was my first 'date' ever in my 34 years of life, I was very happy that I was comfortable. I had never gone on a date with someone before. Any relationship I have ever had (all 2 of them) were with people I had already grown to know. When I told Robert that it was my first official date, he couldn't believe his ears.

Fast forward to December 6th, 2008. A year has passed, and we have grown close, we've grown together. Life is what I've always wanted. Peaceful. Calm. Easy going. Full of laughter. These things are more important to me than anything that money can buy. I am loved unconditionally. I am 'more than he could have ever asked or imagined for'. I am respected. I am appreciated. I love him for who he is, AND I love him for what he's not. You have to know me personally to know how profound that statement is, and how much it means to me. We are so similar, almost to a fault. So December 6th. The day before my 35th birthday. We're going out to lunch for my birthday. My mother has been reserved to watch the kids for about 3 weeks at this point. My sister even took them the night before so I could get up and get dressed and ready for my big date in peace. I was lookin' pretty good if I might say so myself. And it's a good thing I was, because I was in for quite a day.........

In the mean time, Robert and Sean Lyon had gone to Monticello's the night before to work the plans and angles and pick the table and speak to the owner........

We're leaving for our date, and guess what? I'm running late, and I was irritated because I was pulling a staple out of my shirt from the dry cleaners and MESSED UP MY BIRTHDAY MANICURE. Robert was unusually concerned that we were going to be late for our 1pm reservation. Reservation-what's that? He knows I'm late for everything. It's just a part of who I am. Well today, it seemed to bother him. He wasn't laughing at my usual late jokes. He should have given me a buffer like everyone else does.


Sean and Tonia were going to be there by 1:45, and lunch was supposed to be over, and dessert was to be plated and ready for photos in the kitchen.

We get there, and the server shows us to a table. Robert quickly insists that he made a reservation for that table. One that was right in front of the full glass front wall of the restaurant. Let's see....I suppose so a clever and talented photographer could take pictures from across the street? hhhmmm.....

So lunch was delicious, and the server insisted that I save room for dessert. We picked one, and a little later, out it came.


When Robert 'went to the restroom', he really went to give the ring to the manager, and asked him to put it on the dessert. They had discussed this all the night before.

Out came dessert, and there it was. Sparkling and beautiful. Robert asked me to marry him. And of course, I said yes. Within moments, I spotted Tonia, and I spotted Sean. The whole restaurant was clapping and fussing over us. It was a magical moment. We ate our dessert as Sean took some not-so-formal photos, and then we re-enacted our first 2 dates, and added some more spots as well during a three hour engagement photo shoot. We took pictures at the restaurant, in the Starbucks where we had one of our very first long conversations getting to know each other, in front of an old church built in the 1800's, by a mosaic wall near McGlowon theater, in a building in front of a beautiful Christmas tree, In front of awesome waterfalls, and just when I thought it couldn't get any better, out of the trunk came our jerseys from our first date. So we headed to the stadium and put them on, and took a bunch of fun photos there. Robert likes to dip me. I get randomly dipped, and I never know it's coming. Sean and Tonia were tickled by this. So we incorporated the dip into a couple of photos. I can't wait to see those. Lastly, we took our final photos in front of the city skyline.

No. The alarm didn't then go off. No. This didn't happen in a movie I saw, and decided to borrow it because it sounded really cool. This is how I spent December 6th, 2008. And on April 25th, 2009. I will be a wife. A wife to an awesome man, and I can't wait.

Is that better sweetheart?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Please Cast Your Vote

It's about that time! Christmas card time! I took these, and my sister took some as well. I would like you to cast a vote on which one you like the best. I may use a pic that my sister took, but they are relatively the same, so it will be close to what you see here. I'm curious to see who the winner is!

Picture #1
Picture #2
Picture # 3
And this would be a card that has three scattered poses.....

So what do you think-besides that they are gorgeous!

Thursday, December 4, 2008

My Day with The Boyz

I spent the day with the three little guys of the family. Noah is 3 1/2, Alex will be 3 on Monday, and Logan is freshly 2. All in all, the day went well. It was nice for Alex to have friends over, because we really don't have any friends his age. They had a lot of fun. They even shared well. Here is how the day went.....

Here they are eating lunch after some play time.

Then after lunch was nap time.

Soon after they woke up, we had snack time.
Alex was having technical difficulties with his shirt.
During snack, we watched a few of these movies. I love this box set! It has 10 Christmas Classics!
Is this necessary? Really? FILTHY ANIMALS!!!!!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Christmas Memories....I See

My father throwing tinsel on the tree.

My mother making us pose, holding an ornament.

4 separated piles for us under the tree.

A special gift from my father that my mother didn't even know about.

Getting my hair set in bobby pins. I still feel them sticking my scalp.

Matching pajamas with my sisters.

The smell of a real tree.

Huge family dinner on Christmas Eve.

Sitting on the opposite end of the table of where the fish landed.

My mother opening the fridge to find an open jewelry box with something gorgeous in it.

Calling this number that 'tracked' Santa and told us where he was.

Going to bed very early. Did you know Santa will skip your house if your still awake?

Being woken up at midnight to open our gifts. (Italian tradition)

18 years of my father molding traditions for us to carry on for decades.....

I still do tinsel.
Our kids hold the ornaments and pose.
There are now 9 separate piles, and they are for his grandchildren.
He gave me so many special gifts of the heart, that will never perish.
My mother set the girls hair in bobby pins, as long as they let her.
Our kids wear matching pajamas, although it would be fun to still match with my sisters.
I will never own a fake tree for tradition purposes, and they are too much work/maintenance.
The kids also know that Santa doesn't come if your not sleeping.
HUGE dinner, as usual.
I don't run from the fish anymore, but my sister still does.

No more tangible gifts for my mother, but he is still her one and only, and to me that is the best gift of all.